I’m really scared this time

“I’m really scared this time.” That’s what someone said to me when she found out that her cancer had recurred. The first time she was diagnosed, she was ready to fight, much like that stupid drunk guy in the bar who bumps into someone, puffs up his chest, and says, “Wanna go?” Cancer provokes a…

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Scanxiety

Three missed calls from my family doctor. I had an x-ray done that Friday morning for, what we thought, was a sinus infection. The technician who performed the x-ray asked if I felt pain on the right side of my face. I was impressed by his ability to see the source of the headaches that had…

Using breast milk to fight cancer?

Once my breast milk became tainted with chemotherapy, my son could no longer drink it. I only got a month’s worth of usable milk before treatment started, so production was ramped up and the milk factory was open round-the-clock. I pumped 10 times a day. I never got much milk in, so it felt like…

Planning for your death

Where would you want to be if you were dying? It’s a morbid question, and emotionally laden, but it’s one that may be asked when you are diagnosed with cancer. When I picture palliative care, I imagine an old man, confined to a wheelchair, with thick wrinkles and scraggly grey hairs that stick out of…

Playing the cancer card with the Prime Minister

On International Women's Day, I woke up at 4:30AM to be an audience member on Breakfast Television on behalf of Pink Pearl, an organization that supports young women with cancer. I was so nervous leading up to our segment that I frequented the bathroom at least five times, although I secretly hoped that I would bump…

Winning the cancer lottery

Before I found out that I had cancer, I led a pretty healthy lifestyle. I ate healthy. I was vegetarian for a year. Coffee was a treat on the occasional weekend. I never drank pop, except for when gin needed tonic as a partner. I was that person who regularly posted pictures of their salads on Facebook. I exercised…

Menopause in your 30s

“You are too young to have cancer.” Yes, I know. I am also too young to be in menopause. I’m only 34. I’ve had 15x the amount of radiation that puts a woman into menopause. Now I debate whether I should buy the old lady multivitamins at the drug store. “Well at least you won’t…

A matter of life or death

The main difference between us is I want to live and you want to die. That was the realization that I had when I went to a mom’s group for coping with post-partum depression. I worried that I would have trouble unpacking the emotions of being a new mom and a cancer patient all at…

Spread love, not germs

“Can I ask you a weird question?” “Yes.” “Do you have a cold?” During treatment, that conversation plagued so many of my interactions. My husband and I finally got a date night at a nice steak house. We could steal a few moments away from our infant son to reconnect and converse about topics that…

Just call me badass

I've never been a badass. I'm probably the least intimidating person I know, except for when I'm "hangry," but does facing cancer make me a badass? I certainly don't feel like a "survivor." That word congers up an image of being rescued on a lonely deserted island with hairy legs and a hankering for a…